We wake up 4 in the morning each and every day to go after, as well as become a step closer to a dream that will soon be a reality that is 4 years down the road… I’ve had my times when I’ve been like “whatever”, “this isn’t what I want anymore “, and I’ve just simply been like, “I quit “. I was another person then. I guess that sense the day I was broken, my mind has changed. And don’t get me wrong, those thoughts from time to time do pop up. The mornings, over time, started to not be about my goal. It started being about finding myself. I’ve never truly found myself, just only who I aspired to be. Along the way, on the outside and inside of ROTC, I’ve found beautiful, attractive, women. And that has even been something that I’ve had to deal with in my head each morning. Idk why its bothered me like that though. Maybe its not knowing if one of them is right for me or the one in particular that I want is right for me or if I even really want her. I’ve gotta start talking to her though, or else ill never know what she’s like. I’m arriving to the school now so I guess ill run on to my death. Something this morning, guaranteed, will be left on this field today… Hooah…

Right now I feel sad, Angry, restless, enraged, inadequate, smart, yet dumb, I feel almost every possible emotion that there could be. Even pain… The life I live is an a easy but hard life. Easy, meaning that all I have to do is go to school do well and graduate. Hard, meaning that I have ROTC, girls who like me and girls (I’m not going to lie) that like, poeple who just drive you insane, and monetary situations. That’s just a few to name. The biggest thing that makes my life hard though is the fact that I’ve strayed away from what I know is right, which is God. I feel horrible right now because I know it’s true. I think that tonight ill plan out what I’m going to do as far as my schoolwork goes. As a matter of fact, I think ill do that right after I finish handling this nuclear war I have going on in the bathroom lol. One. -Nero